Why can’t they clone Clooney?

For the first time in seven years, my hairdresser didn’t ask me to remind him which side I part my hair. Then I went The Omelet Parlor for lunch where I’ve been ordering two poached eggs on a toasted English muffin for almost ten years and was finally greeted as a favorite and regular customer.

I was so excited at the possibility that I might actually matter that I stepped outside my comfort zone and ordered the chicken tacos. And very nice they were too.

The next day it was off to the ER set on the Warner Brothers lot in Burbank where Eriq La Salle and Noah Wyle (Doctors Benton and Carter) were filming their scenes in this the final series of my all-time favorite TV drama.

John Wells, the Executive Producer of the show wrote and directed this episode. I was sat right behind him with his wife - my great friend, Marilyn. I had my own director’s chair and set of headphones.

For one glorious moment I thought I was going the week before, when Gorgeous George was filming his guest appearance on the show that made him famous, but it was a closed set for the obvious reason that women like me might try and touch him. The fact remains: I am one degree of separation from George Clooney and not a lot of people can say that.

The final edit of The Making Of Plus One is in post production in Toronto. The plan is to get our little movie into the Cannes Film Festival in May. Even if it isn’t accepted into the festival (as if!), Mary McGuckian has booked a theatre in Cannes so it WILL be premiered there. Incidentally, the full title of the movie about trying to get my book made into a film is The Making Of Plus One Starring Kate Winslet, Cate Blanchett and George Clooney.

The Making Of Plus One… sets things up nicely for a film actually based on my book. Wouldn’t it be amazing if art imitates life and Kate, Cate and George star in it? My hope is that there’s a big enough buzz about The Making Of Plus One… that a big studio will come knocking and want to option my book then commission a script based on it. I’ll whip out my screenplay and say: “Here’s one I prepared earlier!” and laugh all the way to the bank.

The Cannes Film Festival is very conveniently around the same time as our Dad’s 80^th birthday so Julia, Marley and I have already booked our flights to London. Julia may not make it to Cannes as she’s been invited to sing at The Blue Note in Japan for real money. Julia asked me to go with her to Japan from England to help with Marley while she sings two shows a night for five nights. Sorry, Sis, I’m going to Cannes! My daughter is first reserve to go to Japan instead of me.

Just when you think life can’t get any better, I returned home from the ER set to learn the joyous news that some outstanding invoices that Colin and I had abandoned all hope would be paid, have been paid.

Screen gems

My gal-pal Kara Noble and I took the incredible Catherine Tate to see “Burn After Reading” last week, which we all thoroughly enjoyed. The latest movie from the Coen brothers was so much better than the trailer suggested - great writing, terrific acting and a welcome chance to see gorgeous George on the big screen. His beard failed to move my meter, but his acting and comic timing didn’t disappoint.

Then it was back to Catherine’s hotel for a cocktail. She was here for some “meetings.” I wonder if the septic tanks (Cockney rhyming slang for yanks) will get her humor. I hope so. For those unfamiliar with her work, here’s a link to a YouTube clip featuring one of her most popular characters, Lauren.

Sometimes our humor doesn’t translate. American critics aren’t loving “Little Britain USA.” Brian Lowry said in Variety: “The American version of ‘Little Britain’ shares several traits with Showtime’s Tracey Ullman sketch comedy ‘State of the Union,’ yet virtually every comparison proves unflattering to the new HBO series. Whereas Ullman’s comedy is clever, ‘Little Britain USA’ is mostly just crude, reveling in mock condescension toward American stereotypes. Ullman plays multiple gender-swapping characters, but with more panache than the chameleon-like David Walliams and Matt Lucas. And Ullman's hit-miss ratio is simply higher, making the slog through ‘Britain’s’ gooey swamp to find laughs feel more arduous.” That’s my girl.

I’ve been catching up on my season premieres. I’m sticking with “Mad Men” because everyone else I know thinks it’s brilliant (in my book, it’s just pretty good). I’m so glad to have my weekly fix of “Entourage” back. Love it. And “House” rarely disappoints. But surely the best drama is “ER.” If there is any justice (which there usually isn’t) come awards season, “ER” should pick up the Emmy and Golden Globe for Best Drama. Not for sentimental reasons - because this is its last season - but because it is so deserving. I defy anyone not to be moved by Dr. Pratt’s heartbreaking death. Superb acting from Mekhi Phifer.

I refuse to give up on my quest to find a quirky, camera-friendly, dog breeder for my TV show idea. The first one I found did not pass the audition. My co-producer didn’t even bother getting the camera out of his bag.

And the winner is.....

Forgetting she was supposed to not talk to rest her voice as we drove to the Santa Barbara gig, Julia positively shouted at me that I could keep my hands off Daniel Day Lewis as he’s her fantasy boyfriend and has been since they had a clash of shopping baskets in Holland & Barrett on Kensington High Street over 20 years ago.

I was telling Max and Lori, who was driving, that I was thinking of switching my allegiance from George to Daniel in the light of Daniels’ stellar performance in There Will Be Blood, his Oscar and SAG award acceptance speeches and the fact that his significant other is a grown up.

All this despite the fact that I was draped all over a card board cut out of George for a piece I wrote for The Mail On Sunday’s You magazine (there’s a link to it on my website www.clairefordham.com). The photographer, the wonderful Mimi Haddon, let me keep the George cut out. I thought it would look splendid in our bedroom but Colin would have none of it and insisted it be thrown in the garbage. He scoffed at my suggestion he might be jealous, describing George as the Rock Hudson of the 21st century.

As Jack Nicholson said, “You know you’re a movie star when people start calling you a faggot.”

Julia’s gig at The Roxy in LA was a sensation. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s what Roger Friedman of FoxNews.com said about it…

Julia Fordham Jazzes It Up:
Tracy Ullman, TV writer-director John Wells, famed record producer Richard Perry and actress Joanna Kerns were among the lucky who made it into dazzling singer Julia Fordham’s show at the Roxy Wednesday night.
Fordham without a doubt is one of the handful of great voices of her generation. Her new album, "China Blue," available at novatunes.com and cdbaby.com, is just the latest in a series of terrific releases.
She sang a lot of her faves Wednesday night, such as "Happy Ever After," "Porcelain," "Stay" and "Manhattan Skyline" with joyousness and ebullience. Her richly textured contralto voice just soared. The new songs from "China Blue" were met with crazy ovations from the crowd, particularly "I Want to Stay Home With You."
Fordham is the most under-the-radar star in the pop music galaxy. Tonight she plays San Francisco. …

The low point of this otherwise spectacular week for The Fordham Sisters was meeting Julia at the ER with Marley who had to be put on an I.V. as she had been so sick with a heinous bacterial infection she picked up on the plane back from the Philippines. It was an absolute nightmare. The poor little might was petrified and traumatized as were Julia and I watching her suffer so.

Once she had the fluids in her she got much better but the only thing that would comfort little Marley was Julia singing to her. “Sing, Mama Julia. Sing,” she whispered in between sobs. Tears were streaming down my face as Julia sang her little girl “How I Love You Baby.”

How Julia got up on stage this week and gave such blinding performances after five sleepless nights with a desperately sick child I’ll never know. Julia never ceases to amaze me. She’s an extraordinary talent and a wonderful mother.

I didn’t go to San Francisco as I’m on Marley duty today. Must dash as I have to pick her up from Pre-School. Just before she was sick, Marley, aged two-and-a-half, was sitting at the piano, banging away at the keys. She said: “Mama. Teach me to play the piano. I wanna be in a band.”

FOILED AGAIN!

One of the reasons I moved to Los Angeles from England eight years ago is that I had more of a chance of meeting George Clooney if I lived in the same country as him.

George doesn’t want kids and I don’t (alright, can’t) have any more so, apart from the fact he likes his women half my age and four sizes smaller than me, we are a match made in heaven.

Actually, I have met George albeit briefly and very tenuously. He said, “Hello, Claire.” To me! We were introduced after a screening of one of his movies as he was just getting into his Limo but the chance to sit down and chat with him keeps eluding me.

So I have seen George up close and in the flesh and can confirm that he is beyond handsome and all men should look like him. I’m not completely shallow. He is smart and funny as well.

I almost had dinner with George last year. It wasn’t as cozy and romantic as it sounds. There were at least 500 other people there, but it still counted as having dinner with Gorgeous George.

My chum, Sheran, had invited me to go as her Plus One to a PEN (Poets, Editors and Novelists) event honoring George for his screenwriting skills on Good Night, and Good Luck.

Sheran knows his co-writer, Grant Heslov, and was convinced she could get me introduced to George when she said hello to Grant who, one could assume, would be seated next to the world's sexiest writing partner.

But George was a “no show.” He was too busy saving refugees in Darfur to accept the PEN award in person. It was worse for Grant Heslov as he had to keep apologizing for not being George Clooney.

So you can imagine my frustration that The Golden Globes, organized by the Hollywood Foreign Press, were cancelled because I was going as a friend’s Plus One and George was nominated for Michael Clayton. He was certain to be there at Hollywood’s second most glamorous and prestigious event of the year. I write for the press about Hollywood and I’m foreign so I’m sure I could have found something to talk to him about.

Does anyone know anyone who needs a Plus One for the Academy Awards?