Never give up

It was like old times for Julia and me. Here we were, at a 40^th birthday bash for Matt Goss. I can’t remember the last time we went on a girls’ night out. The party was amazing. A hip and happening disco (I realize the fact that I just wrote the words disco, hip and happening means I’m not), great food - British fodder like fish and chips, bangers and mash, and mushy peas - endless champagne and a sensational cake surrounded by Cadbury’s Flakes. A truly top night. Just 100 of Matt’s closest friends.

Being 40 isn’t so bad when you have a gorgeous fiancée who adores you, a great house, a new album coming out, drive a Maserati and only look 25. Matt’s mum was there, but not his identical twin, Luke (who was celebrating their big four-oh quietly in Palm Springs). It’s wonderful that the Goss brothers are still in the game after more than 20 years.

Julia’s busy preparing for her next tour to promote her jazz album, China Blue. Click onto www.juliafordham.com for details. And we’re looking set to go to France on October 24^th for The Making Of Plus One movie. I have a meeting with Mary McGuckian this week to hear the latest, so, all in all, I musn’t grumble. Fingers crossed the current financial woes aren’t affecting our movie. She’s invited all the cast to the Chateau Marmont for lunch this weekend. I doubt she’d do that if she had bad news.

When will I be famous?

I was thrilled that Brian Cranston won the Emmy for best actor in a drama series. Especially as I said I was rooting for him when we met at a party the day before the ceremony. It was plain wrong that he always missed out on ‘best actor in a comedy’ for
Malcolm In The Middle, where he played the dad so brilliantly. His victory was a jewel in an ocean of shit. The ceremony’s opening 12 minutes with the five reality show hosts was possibly the worst television ever seen.

At the same party, I saw my old chum, Matt Goss, who invited Julia and me to his 40th birthday bash. Funnily enough, I recently bumped into Matt’s identical twin, Luke, at LAX when we were dropping Mum and Dad off. I made the mistake of calling him Matt, but he still gave us his email address and said let’s do dinner. By most accounts, Luke was the best thing about Hellboy II. And I saw him in a Cadillac TV ad recently.

I remember interviewing them both for Sky News back in the day, in a helicopter flying them to a Radio One roadshow on Weymouth beach. There have been rumblings in the press about a reunion of the great Bros, the first and, in my opinion, best boy band.
I think my first-ever ‘plus one’ event was going with Julia to their after-show party following a Wembley Arena gig. Or was it Wembley Stadium? Anyhoo, it was at a fab house in Queen’s Gate and my first taste of the high life.

I asked Matt what I should wear to the party. “Something sexy,” he answered. I explained that I don’t do sexy, so we decided I could sit in the corner with his mum. Matt’s fiancée, Daisy Fuentes, is hosting the party. Now she is sexy.

Julia is on a roll right now. This morning she was booked to appear with Vonda Shepherd in a sketch for Tracey Ullman’s State of the Union. And The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson want her to appear in November, date to be confirmed. That’ll be after we fly back from France where we will be playing ourselves in The Making Of Plus One movie.

Tracey has also asked my pal, former top model Debbie Brett, to be in a sketch. I made a bit of a twit of myself when I played Tracey at tennis last week. “How come you’ve asked everyone I know to be in your show except for me?” I said. “Because,” she replied, “you can’t sing. And you’re not five-ten and thin.” Fair point, well made.

Being Somebody

The trouble with having an authentic relationship with your sister is that when you ask her to read your work and say what she really thinks, she will. Julia read my script based on my memoir, Plus One: A Year In The Life Of A Hollywood Nobody, and told me that, while she thinks it’s very funny, it needs a couple more scenes to give it humanity and depth. But it really is very good and I’m almost there but I do need to go back in again because very good isn’t great and it needs to be great, she says.


Which is why I was still under the duvet in the fetal position and sucking my thumb when the picture desk from The Mail On Sunday’s You magazine called from London to set up a photo shoot with the brilliant Mimi Haddon for a picture of me to accompany the article I’ve done for them about the myth of the empty nest.




I’ve also found some dogs and owners for my reality TV show pilot. Even though the producer is too busy to return my emails and phone calls to set up a shoot, I have done what was asked of me.

Mary McG’s producer has emailed confirmation that Julia and I will be needed in the south of bloody France on October 27th where we will be playing ourselves in a proper movie with a proper budget and that our business class tickets will be sorted any day. Julia says she won’t believe it until we’re sitting on the plane.

People of a nervous disposition might also be concerned that director Mary McG could be run over by a bus before the shoot, but I take comfort that because this is a proper movie, the insurers insist that another director be signed up to take over in case of accident or death of Mary McG. In this instance, Jim Sheridan (My Left Foot/In The Name Of The Father/In America) is first reserve.

I’ve been wondering for some time if, because I describe myself as a Hollywood Nobody, it has become a self fulfilling prophecy. To this end, and because this has actually been a very good week for me in Hollywierd: I’m gonna be in a movie film, inspired by my blinkin’ book, and my friend Marilyn asked me if I wanted to go with her to the ER set (my favorite TV show of all time; where I first gazed upon the gorgeousness of George Clooney), I shall henceforth be known as a Hollywood Somebody.

Must dash as I have a script that only needs two more scenes to make it great.

There's no business...

I finally gave up waiting for the TV producer to answer my emails and asked to see him face to face. He told me over lunch that before he talks to his agent in detail about my TV show idea we need to decide what it’s REALLY about. He hadn’t even read my previous emails as he’s been so busy working on another show. Just the six weeks wasted.

So we thrashed out some ideas which he told me to write up and now we need to get something on tape. All I need to do is find four dogs with camera friendly owners who want to be on TV.

I can’t go into detail about the program idea because one of you might steal it. This business we call show is a dog eat dog world and I have been advised to trust no one.

Then Mary McG called to say she’s been ill and needs to put the second round of filming for The Making of Plus One movie back until October 25^th. I resisted the temptation to say “nothing trivial I hope.”

As Julia reminded me, it takes a Herculean effort to make any creative project happen and then survive the process. In the meantime, here’s a brief promo of what’s been shot so far of The Making Of Plus One movie.