Desert Song

Julia and I listened to the Susan Boyle CD during our two-and-a-half-hour drive to the desert. We were surprised how bloody good it was. Then we put in Barbra Streisand’s new CD. We didn’t get to hear all of it as there are 35 tracks. Note to Barbra: you can have too much of a good thing. I mention our road trip listening pleasure on the way to the Palm Springs Film Festival to give some idea of the type of ear candy Julia and I prefer.

We were meeting our great pals, Lori and Joan, at Lori’s dad and stepmother’s fabulous pile in Palm Springs. Lori currently prefers The Black-eyed Peas and Lady Gaga wherever she goes ‒ really loudly and constantly, so all conversation was shouted and there was much asking each other to repeat what was just said. Five years have passed since the four of us used to hang and travel together on a regular basis (BM: Before Marley).

Later, in a restaurant, Lori was taking forever to decide on a bottle of wine. Joan opened her hands in wonderment at such protracted indecision. Julia saw Joan’s opened hands and wrongly assumed (more loud music in the restaurant) that Joan wanted to say Grace, so took mine and Lori’s hand until we were all linked, heads bowed waiting for someone to start the prayer and wondering why no one had mentioned that Joan had found the Lord since we were last together.

An amazing and beautiful 86-year-old lady hosted a cocktail party for The Making Of Plus One…before its world premiere at the film festival (Cannes didn’t count as a premiere; that, apparently, was just a screening).

I spoke to the venerable woman’s sixty-something daughter who told me she had seen a couple of good films at the festival as well as some terrible ones, including one foreign entry where she walked out, because it was “nothing but fornication and human defecation.” Holy fucking shit.

Director Mary McGuckian told us the exciting news that she had secured distribution for the film. It involves a new distribution model where the movie is released in a different state every month. More on this as details come in. I guess it’s to avoid paying out $25,000 for each print of the film for every theatre.

My group agreed to meet Mary, Jennifer Tilly and Michael Eckland at the red carpet outside the Regal Cinema where our film was being screened, but we couldn’t find the red carpet, what with there not being one. More wishful thinking on our part.

The screening went well, a packed cinema filled with people who paid for their seats, laughed in the right places and applauded at the end. I won’t lie to you, the film’s not Avatar, but a pleasing romp through the trials and tribulations of getting a movie made. As I said during the Q & A, it’s a miracle that any film ever gets made at all, let alone released, and this has been the most amazing adventure for me.

The next morning, Julia and I went for a walk and wandered onto a beautiful golf course. We kept to the path and marveled at the glorious scenery. However, we soon learned from the course marshal who came chasing after us that the path was not for walking, but for carts, and we were lucky not to have been killed by a golf ball. Ironically, we were on the cell phone telling our dad (who is president of Hayling Golf Club) about our weekend’s adventure just as we were escorted off the course.

Play Mitzi for me

I don’t know about you, but 2010 has got off to a cracking start. This may be because I am a Pisces and this, allegedly, is going to be our year. http://www.susanmiller.com/forecasts/monthly/pisces_full.php

This is excellent news because, frankly, 2009 sucked. The Making Of Plus One… screening at the Cannes Film Festival and my dad’s 80th birthday party were the highlights of a year drowning in lows.

As one door closed, another was slammed in my face. And then another. Until finally Colin and I had to sub-let our apartment and move in with friends to re-group financially. Despite being a normally robust and positive soul, the year’s rejections and disappointments almost brought me to my knees with stress-related illnesses and chronic insomnia. So much so that I looked like I had been hit by the ugly stick and felt like shit.

My misery was compounded when a friend of the same age suddenly looked 10 years younger than me, thanks to a $10,500 facelift.

Arthur, the acupuncturist and Chinese herbalist, came to my rescue (he’s also my sister Julia’s other half). He brought me back to the land of the living and the remotely attractive.

So, before you submit to the knife, might I suggest you try Arthur’s acupuncture facelift? He can cure other ills at the same time. That’s me above with Colin on New Year’s Eve. Not bad for almost 55, though I say it myself. Thanks to good genes, I only needed eight sessions; most would need 12 at $85 a pop. Arthur’s offices are in Woodland Hills: 818 999 0300 or naturalmeddoc@gmail.com. I am proud to be his poster girl.

Back to 2010. My children were here and it was the best Christmas and New Year ever. In the first week of January, I was offered some research work on a network TV show. My work was so well received that I have been offered a producer job on the show (a one-off) for real money.

Julia and I are going to Palm Springs this weekend for the film festival with two of our bestest friends ever, Lori Leve and Joan Scheibel, where The Making Of Plus One… is being screened. Two extra screenings have been arranged because the one at The Regal on Saturday at 6.30pm is sold out. And there are parties, parties, parties.

A producer has offered $1.5 million partial funding to make the movie Plus One actually based on my book using my script. The fabulous Academy Award nominee Jennifer Tilly has read my script, loves it, and agreed to play the Mitzi character.

Another 11 months like this please, Cosmos.

Palm Springs Eternal

The Palm Springs Film festival has just announced : we are happy to be presenting THE MAKING OF PLUS ONE as a world premiere at the 21st Palm Springs International Film Festival and have scheduled it for the following date: 1/16/2010 SAT EVE - 6:30 pm Regal Palm Springs. Wahoooooooooooooooo!

Ladies Night

Mary McGuckian — the writer, director and producer of The Making Of Plus One... — has been honored by WIFTS (Women’s International Film & Television Showcase) with a Career Achievement award.

Actors Jennifer Tilly, Amanda Plummer, Donna D’Errico, Lothaire Bluteau and I were there to cheer her on. Mary’s big moment came at the very end, after more than three hours of award-giving. By that time, I confess, we were nearly losing the will to live. Mary received a roar of gratitude from the audience for promising to keep her acceptance speech short.

The event was held at the upscale Andaz hotel on Sunset Boulevard and, apart from going on way too long, it was an uplifting evening with some incredible women being lauded. Like Betty Markoni, who has helped tens of thousands of women in her native Zimbabwe fight back against sexual exploitation, poverty and violence. It’s a commonly held belief among Zimbabwean men with AIDS that they will be cured if they have sex with a virgin, usually against her will.

Betty helps these girls and women find their voice. She provides counseling, rehabilitation and somewhere safe to live. Betty rightly received the WIFTS Humanitarian award. There’s an amazing documentary about her work, Tapestries Of Hope.

Art and artifice

Top of my wish list for physical improvement is a smaller (much smaller), pert bottom. But this is closely followed by decent eyebrows. I hate mine. They are too thin and one of them isn’t nearly long enough.

I was in Beverly Hills for a screening of The Making Of Plus One… the mockumentary inspired by my book and in which I have a cameo role. Fearing that filmgoers might judge my pathetic brows, and as I was in the hood, I visited the premises of one Anastasia. Not only is she the world’s most expensive eyebrow plucker, Anastasia sells a range of products to give us eyebrows to be proud of.

An assistant offered to demonstrate their most popular products. The screening was in an hour and I was thrilled at the chance to look like a film star. She found a template of the perfect brow for me after measuring angles and doing various calculations. I loved it that she was taking my plight so seriously.

Twenty minutes and $122 later, I left the store with Anastasia’s Essential Brow Kit and the thickest eyebrows since Joan Crawford. I had been feeling very guilty about the expense of the ’brow kit because Colin and I have been on a “is it a want or a need?” regimen, as recommended by financial guru Suze Orman.

My mood was cheered by attending the star-studded BAFTA/LA Britannia awards with filmmaker Mary McGuckian as her plus one. The highlight for me was Kirk Douglas singing ‘Maybe It’s Because I’m a Londoner’ after he was presented with an award by Arnold Schwarzenegger for his contribution to film entertainment. Also honored were Robert De Niro, Colin Firth, Emily Blunt and Danny Boyle. Stephen Fry did a great job hosting and Ben Stiller gave a funny speech presenting Robert de Niro’s award. I suspect Colin Firth regrets asking Minnie Driver to present his.

The best night of the week for me was watching DV8 Physical Theatre’s astonishing performance at Royce Hall with some dear old friends. Back in the day, Julia shared a council flat in Camden with Angie Giles (another great singer/songwriter) and Lloyd Newson. Lloyd was a dancer who went on to achieve international acclaim as DV8’s artistic director and choreographer. Lloyd and Angie had been introduced by Angie’s brother, designer Steven Giles. Check out Steven’s store, www.baseworld.com.

Angie and Steven are pictured above at the DV8 show with Julia, who had to borrow my glasses to read the program.

I remember visiting their London flat and first glimpsed the artistic life. I knew then that the four of them were extraordinary people leading extraordinary lives and how honored I felt to even be in the same room as them.

Steven and Angie flew in from Miami for the show and we have had an incredible reunion, catching up and reminiscing. I won the prize for “most creative irons in fires.” Who spotted the unintentional gay pun? I tried ‘fingers in pies’ but that sounded worse.

Not so easy street....

My producing partner and I have shot the sizzle reel for my reality TV show idea. The shoot couldn’t have gone better. Two weeks to edit, then her agent and my manager can try and sell it.

While we were out filming, a pleasant-looking man of about 30 walked into the frame and sat down nearby. This turned out to be a happy accident from our point of view, so I asked him if he’d be so kind as to do it again. He told me he would be happy to help. As we walked back to the others, he said he was homeless and asked if I could spare a couple of bucks for some food? I gave him five.

The wonderful singer/songwriter Celia Chavez referred to a book by Steven Pressfield, The War of Art, in her blog. Celia wrote:

"The premise of this book is that resistance is a creative person’s tireless and impersonal nemesis, and you have to resign yourself to battle it. You will encounter the worst and most heartbreaking obstacles around that which you are most called to do. It defines the different forms resistance takes and recommends that an artist hunker down and assume the mentality of a professional soldier in an endless conflict."

Most people who achieve success would agree that luck plays a part. Maybe they were in the right place at the right time, or knew someone who knew someone who could help or guide them. Yes, it’s a battle at times, but the harder we work, the luckier we are. And the ones who make it are the ones who don’t give up.

Getting warmer

There is movement on “The Making Of Plus One…” front. The L.A. push begins this month. There’ll be a screening for family and friends at the William Morris Endeavor agency on October 22^nd at 6pm to start a word-of-mouth buzz within the industry.

On October 26^th at 7.30pm at the Harmony Gold theatre on Sunset, BAFTA/LA is holding a screening for its members, followed by a Q & A with director Mary McGuckian and the cast (including me).

The movie will also be premiered to selected press at the AFI/AFM at the Fairmont in Santa Monica at 5pm on November 4^th.

RSVP to screenings: info@pembridgepictures.com

Here’s the trailer:

I had a meeting with a top talent manager last week who wants to represent me and is confident she can get me my own TV show. I’ll tell you how successful she is: she just secured a $7 million dollar deal for one of her clients and it costs $24.50 to park for less than an hour at her fancy offices on Century Park East.