Starry, starry steak

Our pal Roger Friedman, who writes for fox.com on all things showbiz, is in town for the Golden Globes. He is wonderfully indiscreet and knows everyone who’s anyone in Tinseltown, but still found time to meet Julia and me for dinner at Ago – pronounced ah-go. Not ago, as in long time ago. No, it’s not that obvious. Geoffreys in Malibu is pronounced joffreys and Axe on Abbot Kinney is pronounced ash-ay. I shall spare you the details of the problems those ridiculous (and blatantly wrong) pronunciations have caused me over the years.

Ago is one of Hollywood’s hottest spots to see and be seen. People certainly don’t go to be heard – it’s so crowded you have to scream to get your point across. Or for the food, expensive though it is. I arrived first, then Julia’s manager, Lori, and her girlfriend, Joan. Just to be clear, Joan is Lori’s girlfriend, not Julia’s. Julia was late, claiming that it’s impossible to get anywhere by 7.30pm since she had a child and, anyway, she had to wait for Arthur to get in from work to baby-sit.

So Lori, Joan and I enjoyed a glass or two of wine as we waited for our table. I had already noticed the tall, gorgeous (albeit slightly slutty in an expensive kind of way) young woman waiting at the bar. Joan was convinced she was a hooker. Surely not, I cried. In such a classy place? Joan scoffed at my naivete.

Later, Julia caught the ‘lady’ (pointing to her face after a man who asked her if her ample breasts were real) saying: “Honey, it’s all fake.” Gotta love that honesty. Anyway, the lady with the fake face and tits ate dinner with two rich-looking, middle-aged businessmen, at which point Joan rested her case.

Roger had invited Richard Perry along. He’s a famed record producer who has produced albums for such divas as Barbra Streisand and Chaka Khan, among many others. Roger was late as he had been to a taping of ‘The Jimmy Kimmel Show’. His pal Wyclef Jean was singing on it. Roger reported in his column next day that Wyclef’s fellow former Fugee, Lauren Hill, is broke. Her last album sold 10 million copies in an era when people actually bought CDs. Another reminder, as if we needed one, that it’s hard to sustain a singing career, let alone earn enough to retire on.

Back to Ago, named after its chef. The food was terrible, but being English I didn’t say anything. My chicken was dry, the roast potatoes weren’t bad, but the spinach was just a dollop of plain old overcooked leaves. Richard Perry wasn’t happy with his steak (rare not medium rare, he claimed) so Lori swapped with him. He still wasn’t happy but, since we had already waited until 9.30pm to be served, decided against sending it back – he didn’t want to wait any longer for a new steak. Thank God. I’d never send a steak back for fear the chef would spit on it (or worse), flop it back on the grill then send the same one back. I sampled Joan’s steak. It was as dry as my chicken and she had filet, which is hard to fuck up.

As the waiter took the plates away, Richard asked him to tell Ago that the steak was the worst he’d had there all year. Brave man. The chocolate soufflé was still to come. It ended up being nice, though.

Richard was the first to leave. He was going on to meet Steve Bing. Roger went off with a copy of Julia’s new CD, China Blue, (the photograph above, is from the CD cover) and will hopefully give it a rave review. He has championed Julia for years.

He’s going to Cannes for the film festival in May, so Julia and I agreed to meet up with him there. We’ll be there for ‘The making of PLUS ONE, starring Kate Winslet, Cate Blanchett and George Clooney in the story of a Hollywood Nobody’. Mary McGuckian will be shooting the ‘making of’ movie (a sort of mockumentary) during Cannes using the festival as a backdrop. Julia and I may even have cameos playing ourselves. More on this later.

Exciting times. And about bloody time too. When I got home after dinner at Ago, I went straight to the fridge, pulled out a handful (20 cents’ worth) of organic mixed baby greens purchased from Ralphs, plonked them on a plate and said to Colin: “That’ll be $12.”